no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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