dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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