He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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