my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
