bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
