I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
