I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
