I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
