I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
