It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
