Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
