Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
