This is not my ceiling
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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