Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
