Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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