i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
