So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
