Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
