i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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