Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
