Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
