god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
