I want to make a zoo with you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
