I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
