Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
