I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
