i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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