Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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