Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
