Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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