Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
