He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
