Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
