obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
even my farts smell like vagina
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
