i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
