he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
