and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
