Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She announced her abortion via fbk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
