There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
