There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
