Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
