If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
