It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
