So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
