soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
