...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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