So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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