for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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