I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
