i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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