So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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