I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
